Motherhood is often framed as a singular, defining role, and yet the transition into it is of greater nuance and complexity than many realize. Increasingly, people are acknowledging the psychological, emotional, and physical evolution that stands as a concomitant of motherhood—a process captured by the term matrescence. Coined to parallel the term adolescence, matrescence is a process of simultaneous identity formation and reshaping, filled with growing pains, self-discovery, and immense transformation for new mothers. In her latest book, Mothershift: Reclaiming Motherhood as a Rite of Passage, author, coach, and doula Jessie Harrold dives deep into uncharted territory to explore the concept, weaving analyses of the cascade of changes, profound reflection, and powerful cultural critique to unveil the often-overlooked realities of the time after childbirth and provide people with strategies and resources to thrive. 

In our interview, Jessie Harrold unpacks what matrescence means for new mothers, her personal conceptions surrounding the journey, and the offerings nestled within the book, which stands as a gift to readers embracing this powerful part of their reproductive experience.

A Series of Life Experiences

Because motherhood stands as an ever-present, and all-encompassing force, the journey to writing the book was understandably shaped, in part, by Harrold’s life experiences. Before embarking on the longitudinal journey that is motherhood, she played a pivotal role in accompanying others in their own transitions. As she pondered the question of whether she would have her own child, she encountered the woman who would become her doula at a talk for birth workers. At that talk, the woman made, what felt like at the time, a powerful assertion: the transition to motherhood takes two to three years. “She was the first person I had ever heard say this,” said Harrold, “and I found it to be so validating of the fears I had about what would happen to me when I had a baby.” 

Turns out, when people are considering the question of motherhood, they are not thinking about pregnancy and childbirth alone. Even if they are not consciously processing it, they are thinking about their ability to withstand the accompanying changes that would ultimately render them a new person. “I think being a doula before having my own baby meant that I was a bit more knowledgeable about what I might encounter during my birth and the early postpartum period. Instead, my questions and concerns were about all that happened after the fourth trimester.”

While the concept of the fourth trimester is progressive in that it broadens cultural conceptions regarding the scope of pregnancy-related changes, it merely captures the tip of the iceberg. The experience of being a doula before having her own child, and the mentorship associated with her relationship with her own doula who was attuned to the concept of matrescence, ultimately shaped Harrold’s work with mothers. It was these life-altering experiences that would pique her interest in the topic and lead her to write a book.

In addition to heightening her experience in the topic of matrescence in and of itself, Harrold’s extensive work with mothers enabled her to conceive the various layers embedded within the process. Witnessing firsthand how the birthing experience and support through the early postpartum weeks shaped the transition to motherhood, she found herself with the utmost clarity about the factors that contribute to one’s matrescence.

“So many mothers are grappling with having experienced birth trauma, interventions, or other experiences that impact their mental health through the postpartum period. That makes it more difficult to contend with all the changes and developments in your identity, your relationships, your body, your work, and the entire ecosystem of life that occur when you become a mother. Conversely, I noticed how an empowering birth experience shaped mothers’ matrescence experience in positive ways.”

The continuous support intrinsic to the process of birthwork, she explains, means that birthworkers are often interfacing with, and delving into, the more uncharted territory of matrescence.

Learning Through the Years

While the process of matrescence is not new to mothers, its novelty as a concept means that people are always learning. Among these people are mothers themselves. Through the years, Harrold came to several realizations, some of which had the effect of affirming what she already knew. And much of what mothers come to know, Harrold contends, falls outside of the framework of what they are taught. “Matrescence takes longer than we expect,” she declares. “The process really is two to three years long, not six weeks, or three months—which are the postpartum milestones we’ve become most familiar with in our culture.”

Another realization lies in a reframing of what many new mothers fear the most—losing their touch with themselves. When people decide to take on the journey and challenges associated with motherhood, well-meaning coaches and experts often emphasize the importance of establishing and maintaining some semblance of self. To Harrold, there is great beauty and empowerment that lies in surrendering to the process of losing, rather than tightening one’s grip on familiarity.

“​​Though we say that one of the worst things that can happen when you become a mother is that you might lose yourself, I think losing yourself in motherhood isn’t the problem. It’s the point. Any major life transition, matrescence included, asks us to let go of who we once were so that we can step into who we’re becoming. The part we keep forgetting is that, in losing yourself, you might find someone even more authentic and powerful.”

Harrold’s final realization is among her most potent, and accompanies the former. Matrescence, she proclaims, is a developmental process. This means that new mothers are meant to change, rather than revert to their former selves.

Offerings of the Book

The word matrescence is growing in popularity, a boom which ironically underscores the significance of additional work to honor the process. “We have an awareness that it happens, but many still don’t know how it happens,” she expresses. While it is important to affirm mothers of our knowledge that it exists and is a major developmental phenomenon, we must take steps to actively support the experience. Mothershift aims to fill this gap.

“It offers a map for matrescence. I’ve created an evidence-based, four-phase model that describes the arc of the experience of matrescence, and provides tangible, practical tools and resources to help mothers navigate every step of the way.”

Another powerful realization, which Harrold states is one teaching any reader should pull from the book, if any at all, is that with grieving comes opportunity. “You can’t do the growth without the grief. When we become mothers, we leave many aspects of our pre-motherhood selves behind – sometimes for a while, and sometimes forever.  It’s okay to feel sad about that.  It’s okay – and necessary, even – to grieve your pre-motherhood self. There is evidence to show, in fact, that it isn’t until mothers truly move through these complex feelings about becoming a mother that they truly embody their new identity – as a mother and as a whole human who happens to be a mother.”

Learn more about Mothershift: Reclaiming Motherhood as a Rite of Passage here.