I’m not going to lie, at 36 weeks pregnant, as I sit at a cafe typing these words, I do not feel sexy. Everything aches, everything is stretched to it’s capacity. I feel clumsy as I a bump into tables and people trying to maneuver my way to the bathroom for the fourth time since I sat down for breakfast. I nibble at my food feeling there is no room in my body any more for food. I am all baby, all huge heavy uterus. I struggle to reach to the floor for my purse to pay my bill. The floor feels so far away now. It’s on the other side of the bump, a world away.
I catch a glimpse of my once tight round ass that has since gone wide, flat, and jiggling with cellulite. I exhale and I remember that part of being a sexy mama, is not always feeling sexy. As a woman, as a mother, as a gestating female bodied creature the world doesn’t hesitate to hold back on filling our consciousness with it’s heavy expectations of what we should look like, what we should feel like, how much we should gain during pregnancy. Strangers walk up to me on the street asking how long I have until I give birth blown away by the fact that I have another month of carrying this child in my womb. They respond with comments like “ Are you sure you aren’t having twins?” and “Wow! You are going to be HUGE!”. I nod and let their inappropriate comments roll off of my aching back. This is my second pregnancy and although this pregnancy has differed wildly and unexpectedly from my first pregnancy, there are certain things that I learned the first time around that are comforting in these last weeks of pregnancy this time around.
Nothing is Static and Everything Changes – When I look at my body expanding every day and struggling to reach the floor, I remember that this is temporary. That after birth my body will move forward into something new, something strong, something beautiful and yes, something sexy.
Be Present in the Moment – Just because you have a tough morning or you are feeling sick or achy in the afternoon, doesn’t mean that you can’t find moments of absolute beauty in your every day. My five year old this morning gave my big baby bump a compass kiss and then gave me a big hug before I headed off for work. Those moments of feeling loved and connected to our children, our world, our partners, can help fuel us through the challenging moments.
Lean into the Sexiness – Find one thing that makes you feel good and sexy and lean into it. Maybe it’s a satin dress that feels really good up against your sensitive skin or a bra that really lifts up your breasts and makes you feel super sexy about your newfound cleavage. Today I’m wearing my favorite red lipstick and a sexy pair of heels that I can still walk in. Even when the rest of my body is getting me down or feeling really not super sexy, these two things help me to feel sexy and confident as I do my 3rd Trimester wobble down the street.
Self care is a part of nourishing our sexual selves and part of that self care is letting go of any expectations of how you SHOULD be. You are perfect just as you are in this moment. Lean into what makes you happy, makes feel connected, loved, and nourished and this will replenish your sexual self as we grow, shift, shrink change and evolve.
Madison Young is the author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex Through Pregnancy and Motherhood, a certified sex educator, erotic filmmaker and mother to her child Em. Young is currently pregnant with another little mini-feminista and lives in Berkeley, California. You can find more of her work at www.MadisonYoung.org and www.GreatMomSex.com