Spicing Up Your Relationship As New Parents

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Post by: Drexel Gilbert, a career TV journalist & relationship expert.

They finally had a few minutes alone. The kids were asleep in their beds. She ran a bubble bath. He lit the candles. The baby monitor sat on the counter, just in case. They eased into the hot, sudsy water and felt the tension begin to melt and the neglected fires of desire to build. Then-

“Mommy! What are you doing in there?” said their three-year-old, wiggling her chubby fingers under the bathroom door. “Mommy! Where’s Daddy? Mommmmy! Let me innnnnn!!” Cue the cold shower.

It’s hard to nurture your love life when that life is taken over by diapers, runny noses and bedtime battles. Yes, your love life changes when that bundle of joy bounces into your world. But it doesn’t have to end. You just need to be creative and intentional.

A sure-fire way to kindle the romantic flames is to date your mate. Stop with the excuses why you can’t and create solutions so you can! Can’t afford a sitter? Sitter-swap with another couple or barter your cooking, gardening, tutoring or dog-walking skills. Too tired? Take a nap with the kids. The chores can wait. Can’t afford to go out? Create-a-date at home. Can afford it, but you’ve fallen into the dinner-and-a-movie rut? Try these suggestions. Then get ready for a romantic heat wave.

Create-a-date at home. Arrive home before him. On the front door, tape this note: “Follow the flames.” Line the path from the door to the bedroom with candles. Turn off the lights. Play romantic music. Burn scented candles in your bedroom and bathroom. When he walks in, let his eyes fall on you— covered in bubbles. Don’t say anything. Just look at him. Then hand him one of the two glasses of wine sitting by the tub and ask him to join you. Temperature’s rising. If you know what I mean.

Be passionate for picnics. Pack a picnic lunch. Find a park (beach, lake, mountain, pasture, rooftop, your backyard–be creative and use what’s near you.) Use the good dinnerware. If you can afford it, spring for champagne. Play romantic music on your phone. Dance barefoot. Hold hands. Talk (about anything but the kids!) Rub his shoulders. Touch his face. Kiss. Kiss a lot. Picnic to passion. Guaranteed.

Plan a sexy meet and greet. Arrange to meet after work. As you go your separate ways in the morning, give him a full-on lip lock. Stick this note on his steering wheel: “See you tonight. I’ll be the one in the little black dress.” Build playful tension throughout the day. Around noon, text him a picture of that little black dress. At 3, text him a picture of your high heels and at 5, a picture of your tube of lipstick. Arrive before him and hold his gaze as he walks across the room. If you want to go all out, slip him a hotel room key as he takes his seat. You may never make it past the appetizers. Check, please.


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Drexel Gilbert is a career TV journalist, relationship coach and motivational speaker. Her practical advice for couples brings healing and breathes life into relationships. 30 Days to Better Love: A Guide for Men is used by couples’ counselors and by men and women just like you. Find it at amazon.com and www.drexelgilbert.com

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