Lessons In Surrender I Learned During Pregnancy
I am typically an optimistic, joyous woman so when I became pregnant I was hopeful that my pregnancy would be smooth. After all, I’m a healthy woman and creating a child is pretty darn cool. The expectation was reversed I had an utterly exhausting, flu-ridden first trimester followed by a stressful sleepless second trimester. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t a well pregnant woman. That despite everything I do ‘right’ for myself and others, I was actually getting pulverized. And, worse yet, that I might not get better.
I had to accept that my pregnancy didn’t look as I wanted or hoped. And to do that I had to surrender to a plan that was very different than my own.
I believe in a couple of different plans that govern our lives—our mind’s plan and then a greater, ‘divine’ plan. Hence, in my reckoning of the world, everything happens for a reason, and a reason beyond just physiology. As for my current situation, I don’t know what that exact reason is but I know the purposes that it has served already:
- For one, my compassion for others has gone through the roof. Feeling so utterly crappy makes me want to help others not suffer, either…even if just with a kind thought from afar. Everyone struggles and even if we do not know what the struggle is—or agree with how it’s being handled—everyone deserves compassion. Even people you don’t know on the street or in the subway.
- My gratitude has also increased. I am grateful like I’ve never been before for people in my life who were always there but now I can see more clearly. Like my husband, sister, parents and many friends. I’m grateful for a warm shower to help me feel refreshed. I’m grateful for 30-minutes of sleep, for the sunrise. And yes, for a seat on the subway! Honestly, truly grateful.
- I am more honest in who I am. To be honest, I never thought this was a problem before; But without energy for emotions, I realized I had no energy for walls, either. For instance, I just couldn’t smile to make the person seated across from me happy if I was not feeling happy, myself. I was able to uncover yet another veil I have in place between myself and the rest of the world.
Compassion Gratitude. Honesty. I think about these things when I find myself starting to enter my nightly vortex of physical and psychic angst. It helps me understand—and invoke—the big picture, one in which my physiology is not the beginning, middle and end. Overall, it feels as if somehow—despite all the jolts, palpitations and bounds—my heart has opened a bit further. Because I’ve surrendered to it at an even deeper level (God knows, between sleep deprivation plus ‘pregnancy brain’!).
All-in-all I consider it a gift from the universe. I believe that I need to move through this challenge to become a better person, wife, and mother. And I know that—like all others—it will pass, too. So I am doing what I can to choose the most grace- and a path of ease (some days better than others). I am still doing everything within my power to be a happy, healthy me.
So I can either be a screaming passenger in the backseat of my own journey, or do my best to surrender and even enjoy the ride. No doubt it’s taking every cell in my body, but I choose the latter. These days, I can’t think of anything more important to do. Whatever your ride, I hope that you find a way to surrender to yours, too. A first step on the journey? Right now: jot down 10 things that you are grateful for on yours. You might not know your journey’s outcome, but you can always find the light en route.
After a transformative car collision, Stephanie P. Marango, MD, RYT entered the path of physician-teacher. On this path, her formal education provides an infrastructure onto which further exploration into the body continues to be built. From lectures at major medical centers, to workshops at local yoga studios, The Wisdom Of Your Body book, or her private practice, Dr. Stephanie shares her knowledge through the Sacred Body Institute, which offers holistic medical and educational services based in New York. To learn more, ask questions, or otherwise connect, she welcomes you to visit the Sacred Body site.